5. Wiz Khalifa – Where do you really start wit this nigga yo? The list is so vast n endless that he probably gon commit at least 100 fuckboyish acts before I finish typin this paragraph b. Son’s life is like a whole galaxy of adolescent female emotions n Demi Lovato lyrics clustered into one organism n brought to life by a stoner praying mantis/parody of a rapper who was sent to Earth by the Gungans of planet Naboo to detonate some kinda male dignity transmission override all over the planet n keep niggas from wearin pants that aint 7 sizes too small. He got little niggas dressin on some wild ambiguous shit yo. Son must got stipulations in his record contract that say he gotta flat out dress like a broad nahmean. Nigga got hers n hers matchin attire to go wit whatever Amber Rose wearin n shit. Son jus be slippin into some faded jeans that got a 18″ waist n 26″ length n throw a trasluscent half top n some straw sandals on n tie a chiffon scarf round his neck n step out the house ready to blossom another flower bed of theme songs for dignity deficient new niggas n hoes that got Ariana Grande quotes in they twitter bios. I fuck wit summa this fool Cameron’s music but son jus be goin too far outta his way to test the boundaries of masculinity while at the same time actin like he on some boss shit too. You aint a boss…you jussa thot Wiz. Find ya father b.
4. Kirko Bangz aka Great Value Drake – This nigga look like he scissors wit WNBA players n got some shit tatted on his lower back yo. Its like somebody made they own Drake outta paper mache n wet cornflakes n programmed Drizzy’s voice into the nigga or some shit. Its like somebody took all the worst elements of Drake n left out anything close to talent or skill n let the muthafucka run wild in the studio n have a career cuz YALL NIGGAS IS STUPID N GON BUY ANYFUCKINTHING ANYWAYS.
3. Drake - Like any true magenta blooded Canadian/teen soap opera star/future R&B chanteuse …the boy Aubrey had dreams of bein the next great Canadian music phenomenon (think Celine Dion, KD Lang, Shania Twain, Bieberveli, Michael Buble, Snow, The Backyardigans etc). Welp… that nigga musta spent a fortune on wishes at every fountain he ever came across cuz here he is. I still refuse to believe this nigga Drake was born thru any kinda normal human birth or anything like that… Feel like this nigga jus appeared on a lilypad one morning in a pond in his moms back yard inside of a dewdrop or some shit. I picture this nigga asleep inside of a drop of sunshine gently slidin down a golden maple tree from one leaf to the next one morning n then falling onto the wing of a canary n bein carried off on a feather n whimsically slippin down to that pond surrounded by swans n geese n squirrels bathing n shit…n then his moms was hearin these little squeakin sounds n stepped off her patio where she was enjoyin her rose hip tea n poppyseed bagel n seen this thumb sized winged hamster witta afro in her pond n carried it into the house n put it inside of a shoebox on top of a bed of cotton balls n babys breath n knitted little leotards n hats for it. Anyways Im pretty sure that shit gotta be at least 80% accurate…
2. Justin Bieber – aka Snow Brother # 1 aka The Human Dick Piercing aka The Other Miley aka KKK Grand Wizard Local 613 Canadian Division. This snow coon need to NOT be doin like 8 million different things he usually be doin namsayin. This muthafucka softer than a garden of marshmallows…yet somehow some way yall be lettin this human bubble bath slide by witta all access hood pass n he jus be runnin wild wit that shit yo. Yall rap niggas made that shit ten times more fucked up b. Yall had this lotion nugget ass muthafucka posin in pictures throwin up gang signs wit no shirt on…wearin grills…rubbin his vag muffin against Nicki Minaj’s ass on stage…basically doin everything BUT havin sucky fucky relations wit Mike Will Made It (“allegedly”)… But then the muthafucka came out at Coachella in a Schoolboy Q costume n took niggafy’in his whole shit up to the next level n yall was like…”Hmmm”… Then that video of him tellin a niggER joke when he was a young girl came outta nowhere n yall was like “Hold on a sec”… Then the OTHER video of him singin a whole song bout niggERs popped up n yalls was like “Ok maybe we was wrong bout this muthafucka…”. Get this frozen tater tot lookin ass fuckboy extraordinaire outta here yo.
1. Tyga aka Grand Master Trash – First off I gotta address the fact that this rodent fetus lookin dick breather got the most punchable face on God’s green earth. I aint jus sayin that to be disrespectful neither yo…I mean that shit. Look at this marsupial ass muthafucka’s face n tell me you dont wanna break a Nebuchadnezzar sized champagne bottle on his grill. I be havin actual daydreams where I slap the duck sauce out this muthafucka sometimes yo. I gotta slap his mosquito larvae lookin ass back to the Paleolithic age. I wanna slap this fool so hard that every version of his future self in every year between now n whenever gon feel it n be like YO WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT N WHY THE WHOLE LEFT SIDE OF MY FACE SWOLE UP N MY TEETH IS ALL FALLIN OUT RIGHT NOW? Main reason why I dont like this bird ass nigga is cuz 1) his songs is wild trash n 2) he stay doin wild corny shit. When this fool got hisself into some “predicaments” wit Lil Durk n Durk was basically gon have some crazy ass Chiraq niggas comin for his soul at some point the nigga Michael Ray Nguyen aint handle that shit like a man he went runnin to Game n hid behind that nigga instead. This fool jus brought in a nigga who aint had nothin to do wit the shit n hid behind him like a bitch. Then Durk n Game crossed paths after the BET awards n ended up makin peace n this tatted up twinkie went back to bein ass out all overagain. Pretty sure its only a matter of time before somebody close to Durk sends this nigga back to the essence b… This nigga jus all types of corny n stay jumpin on trends n basically got no idea of his own at all b. When niggas was fuckin wit molly his lame ass made a song called “Molly”. Then hookah was poppin n all a sudden this nigga got a song called “Hookah”. Never mind the fact that the nigga thinks he can enlarge his doodles n say he channelin Basquiat. Man yall need to get this cockroach the fuck outta here already.
So there yall have it. Theres ya new crowned prince of hoe ass niggadom. Hope yall spend the day free of the sounds of these soft ass muthafuckas n listen to some shit thats worth ya time instead. Until next year…Im done wit this shit.
BUT THEN THIS HAPPENED…